I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
