your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize