is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
