I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
