What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
