So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
