its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
