I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
