Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
