that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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