Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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