So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
