Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
