i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
