my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
