Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
