with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
