dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
