i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
