So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
