dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
