so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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