Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
