the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
