i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
