i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
