I think im going to throw up on grandma
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
