so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
