she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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