you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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