Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
