Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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