It's like a parade of train wrecks.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
