Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
