The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
