I look better un-naked...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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