I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
