How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
