So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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