the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
