No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
