i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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