Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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