I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
