Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
