My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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