How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
