he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
