you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
