We won't sleep together?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
