and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
