I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
