you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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