Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
